I was piddling about the internet earlier when I stumbled upon an article by Oliver Miles discussing gender discrimination in the British Foreign Service. It seems a recent report showed that there is a pay gap at the top of the Foreign Office of between £3,000 and £4,000. He says,
So what has gone wrong? I suspect the answer is: nothing. The British diplomatic service, like other diplomatic services around the world and like a number of other professions in Britain, is more successful in retaining men than women for a full career.
Why is this the case?
I can tell you that there is absolutely no systematic discrimination against women in the Foreign Service. In my class of hired diplomats and in every other class that I’ve seen since, the numbers between the sexes are pretty equal. Women actually outnumbered men by a bit in my class.
I’m not a woman, but I can see that it must be hard to be a woman in the Foreign Service. Unless you’re part of a rare tandem, you have to find a decent guy and convince him to follow you around the world taking odd jobs and letting you be the breadwinner. My single, female FSO friends tell me that it isn’t easy finding men like that. If you’re a lesbian, it’s just as difficult, but your significant other doesn’t get “eligible family member” status. (See Life after Jerusalem for an expert view on this.) If you have a family, you still have to placate that trailing spouse. I honestly don’t know many women in this situation, which says something in and of itself.
Anyway, as I said, I’m not a woman. I would love to hear what any female officers think on this though. Let me know in the comment area!
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I desperately want to be an FSO, and I can tell you that I think about this situation almost every day. I’m already married (no kids yet), but luckily I have a husband who would be willing to tag along. Maybe not forever, but at least for a while. So many questions are raised: would he be able to get a job overseas? When would we have kids? How would I fulfill my responsibilities as a mother? Is it possible to be a female FSO/mom without hiring a nanny? Etc, etc…I never grew up thinking of myself as a “career woman,” but now that’s changed. We’ll see if it works out! I’m crossing my fingers…and toes.
I’ve also been curious about what both men and woman’s experiences have been regarding
1: Maintaining a marriage when working in the foreign service.
2: Having / developing any type of personal romantic relationships with either other officers or Foreign Nationals
Basically my question is:
“When in the Foreign Service are you married to your job”?
@KB: My boyfriend is an ex-FS brat, and is the product of a marriage between an FSO and a foreign national. His father fell in love with a French woman he met while stationed in Lyon, France, and the rest is, well, history.
I’ve talked with his father at great length about the foreign service, and about how he made it work, with a foreign wife and two kids. All but two of his posts were what would now be considered hardship or near-hardship posts (Lagos, Kinshasa, somewhere in Sierra Leone, etc), but he had his family with him throughout almost his entire 30 years of service. He says that it was extremely difficult at times, especially since they often had to send the kids to schools in other countries, as the local schools simply were not adequate and there was no international school available. His wife had always been a very independent woman, and so was not interested in simply being a homemaker, staying home to raise the kids. He managed to secure her a job teaching French at the embassies, but it meant that their choice in posts revolved around being in countries where there would be a demand for that, which is a large part of why he spent most of his career bouncing around West Africa.
I had a point to all this, but I’ve now forgotten it, sadly. But, that should give you a glimpse into some of the difficulties of relationships/families in the foreign service.
“I can tell you that there is absolutely no systematic discrimination against women in the Foreign Service.” Are you for real? I’m one foot out the door from the Foreign Service because most men in it seem to have mastered the art of being discriminatory without receiving an EEO violation. Sometimes going to work felt like I was in the twilight zone of 1952. BTW, I have a great husband who doesn’t work in the FS (thank God), so I’m running to join him in the private sector overseas. If you are female and are considering joining…keep in mind that the majority of your older male colleagues have backward views of their female co-workers and stay-at-home wives.
You have to placate the trailing spouse - lots of placating in our case. The FS does not do enough on spouse employment, which means that a spouse unable to work is a pretty unhappy woman/man of the house. Also since women are living longer than men, the inability to find work overseas, while trailing after the employee can have a significant impact in the spouse’s life after retirement. Let’s not even talk what happens if dashing employee in a third world country decides to replace spouse with a newer model. We, too are on our way out. Employee got tired of placating me. Me? I just got tired being a trailing spouse, trying to fit at every post … where if I find a job, that’s considered gravy ..
I am waiting to go to A-100 so I’m not an officer yet, but I know someone who is a senior officer. Her horror stories about the lack of benefits surrounding childbirth, having to nurse her baby in a cramped bathroom stall in Moscow because there was no other place to do so in the whole embassy, all suggest discrimination against women. She shared a story where she requested additional medical leave recently for a medical issue she is now having. HR could not believe that a senior officer could have possibly used up all of their sick days, but since she had two kids, she not only used up all of her sick days and personal days, but even had to have other people donate time to her. You can bet that if men had to carry, deliver and nurse babies, the FS would go above and beyond the minimally required FMLA to help out.
As the daughter of two State Dept. employees, I can say with certainty that their professional life, while not the primary reason for their divorce, did create ideal conditions for resentment and miscommunication. To stay together during assignments my mother frequently took sabbaticals, and although she found ways to be both busy and productive, she absolutely resented her loss of status and pay back in Washington. For my father’s next assignment she chose to remain in Washington, and a whole ocean of resentment separated them (and, of course, the one made of water). In any case, as the child here, I can tell you that these issues had a huge impact on my relationship with both of them. That said, I loved moving around and growing up in different countries, and had a truly awesome childhood.
Very interesting perspective. I have wanted to join the FS since undergrad, but life interrupted. I will turn 40 the day I take my OA. My daughter is a Sr. in high school and I have a 13 yr old son. I have a very successful career with a Fortune 500 company, but feel now is my time to give back to my country. I wonder how it will be for me to join in “mid-life”. My new husband is LEO and planning to go in as DSS (waiting for hiring window to open). We will be a tandem couple, but he will be “trailing” if necessary. I hope I can be a good support to younger women just starting their careers and families…been there, done that! Keeping my fingers crossed that this is finally my time to live the dream.
I began my career in the Foreign Service thirty years ago, only a few years after the State Department belatedly ended its blatant and systemic discrimination against women and had tentively begun to recruit women into the Foreign Service. Well into the 1980s women were still be passed over for promotions and relegated to less desirable consular and administrative jobs. But then the State Department began to catch up to American society; attitudes and practices changed. Most significantly the sheer increase in the number of women in the Foreign Service as a result of pro-active recruitment was a force multiplier for the good. Of course, it can still be tough as it is for women in any challenging profession. Two career families are hard, especially when they involved overseas assignments. Nonetheless, we have to thank those brave women who struggled in the 70s, 60s and before who filed the lawsuits, won the court cases and forced the Department to change. It is a great career and I heartedly encourage women to join. Only by increasing our ranks can we ensure that positive change will continue.
So..I know you did this entry on being a woman in the Foreign Service…what are your thoughts on being single in the Foreign Service? Are there a lot of fellow Foreign Service Officers dating each other in training and at posts, or is this discouraged?
Anna- i am with you. i am sure that being married is pretty difficult, but that must be just half the experiences of the FSO’s. While ready to give up some of my luxuries(coffee, wireless home internet, lots of hot water, and great medical care), dating is not something i can give up so easily.
I have enjoyed this site immensely as an aspiring FSO. I just finished a tour in the Navy, and know first hand the problems having a family while being deployed that arise. I have been hopeful about Embassy life accomodating a professional spouse (she’s a lawyer), but what I’ve read doesn’t suggest that. Can anyone provide more information about the “trailing” spouse, or even more information about tandem FSO’s as she has been considering it as well?
I would like to hear from FSO or former FSO about life as a single person in the Service. Any comments to share?
Well I am a young female in the Foreign Service and I can definitely say there is discrimination and harassment. Lots of it. I could have filed several EEO complaints in my first year! My boss is very old school, and I’ve caught him looking at me up and down a number of times. But how do you file a complaint against a “look”? Not to mention lots of other male personnel (American) who are married and coming on to me on a regular basis. I just try to avoid them. I also had someone in-office who was practically cyber stalking me. The FS can be a very isolated environment, people can be very backwards and I also think in some ways FS people think they can get away with things they wouldn’t get away with in the States. Sort of the immunity principle but even within the office.
And also on the dating subject - It can be excruciating. My thought is you have to get a posting in a large city where there are social opporunities on the outside. My post is all families and no singles. Feel like I’m married to my job. Makes me doubt whether I want to stay in this career. Also feel like the FS is somewhat discriminatory towards singles. It’s all about the families.
Just my personal thoughts.
I have to agree with the ladies’ comments above on discrimination in the foreign service (and not just there). It is dominated by older males who have deep seated discriminatory attitudes. Its like an invisible web that can drive dynamics, but not tangible enough to formally complain. For example, some older men, in their heart of hearts, don’t see women as primary breadwinners as legitimate. There can be an instinct to protect a male colleague’s ego, resulting in the woman’s POV to be undervalued. I think a lot depends on the mission head and work atmosphere established, which is variable by posting. It can be very frustrating. Younger men definitely have more egalitarian attitudes, so it’s a matter of time…
I’m a daughter of a senior american diplomat and am considering seriously joining the department, and while yes moving, evacuations, and unaccompanied tours have added stress to my parents lives it has also brought them closer together. yes, having a family may limit your post options but a family comes first no matter the job. also not sure where you are posted but most of the old stero-typical men are either gone or on their way out. Of the last four SoS 3 have been women. Yes moving around with a husband is hard but the world’s perception of stay-at-home dad’s or bread-winning wives is quickly altering for the better. And there are post which can be considered family oriented but there are also singles oriented posts, it changes constantly and it depends on what the officer makes of it. I’ve been around DoS long enough to know how it works and to know that its the right career for me and the fact that I’m a woman and unmarried really doesn’t come into consideration at all. besides for a woman there are always marines on post.
I have been considering becoming a FSO for a couple years and have a couple questions that I have not really been able to find answers to. I am currently in a relationship where “trailing” would not really be an option (he’s doing a surgical residency and plans to do a two year fellowship before going into private practice). We are planning to get married once he finishes his fellowship and settling in Canada (he is Canadian). I am not really worried about the time that we would spend apart as we went to different schools on opposite sides of the country and made it work.
So I guess my question is about being able to post to anywhere in the world for the first couple years and then getting married. I have read about the amount of leave that officers get each year so I do not think the first years would be an issue but I am wondering about continuing in the FS after getting married.
Is the post appointment process as arbitrary as it sounds or is there some discretion involved? Would I be able to request a post in Canada and have a reasonable expectation of receiving it? If that is not possible what is the separation process and how long does it normally take?
“besides for a woman there are always marines on post.” Thanks for the laugh! I’ll tell that to my girlfriends.
I am married, and I want to become a FSO. I thank my lucky stars that I have a husband who is not tied to his job, but rather, it is the other way around; he is an entrepreneur and proprietor and already has international clients that he may visit overseas from time to time. My family isn’t affected by his travels-and if I become a FSO, it won’t affect him.
My only worry is that I have small children who may not be able to accompany me on certain tours. In time, I know I will have figured out my alternatives and be more confident when the time comes. I have no regrets for starting a family straight out of college while balancing a work life, and look forward to continuing it on an expatriate scale.